So, less than 24 hours to go now. Tomorrow at this time I will be sitting in my new flat and either congratulating myself on my decision, or panicking (probably both).
The last week has been pretty insane, trying to get everything finished. I had leaving drinks with work, scrambled to meet up with my friends a last time before leaving, worked, packed, and threw things into garbage bags. Everything I owned that had any value and that I don’t really need is now safely with a resale company, who are going to sell the stuff on ebay. My flat is nearly empty (my living room now has an echo when I speak, which is slighly eery!) and it took me about a day to get used to not having a TV anymore and looking at a wall instead. I have bruises all over from carrying furniture around. My suitcases are packed… I have a few (or many) more garbage bags to fill and take outside, which will probably take me up to midnight tonight (and which I should probably be doing right now rather than writing blog posts…) Tomorrow morning the cleaners arrive, and then I am off to the airport.
It feels very strange how calm I feel about everything. I am really aware that I am about to change my life substantially, and that it is not always going to be easy – but something about me (other than not sleeping for ages the other night because I couldn’t stop worrying about my Swedish fluency) feels like my life is being pulled into one direction now, and I am going with the flow and doing what I am supposed to be doing. I guess it helps that my job is a constant in my old and new life, I know a fair few people in Gothenburg now, and I know that I will be making regular trips to see my friends in London (and in fact, one of my best friends has already booked a flight in August to come and see me in Gothenburg!) – so in a way it feels as if I am just moving around the corner, even though I have pretty much given up my life here now. I feel like I should feel more melancholic about leaving my home of 17 years than I do. Maybe in a way London has always been more of a place I lived in rather than a real home.
One of my workmates asked me today whether I was seeing this as a temporary move, or whether this was forever – and the honest answer is that right now I have no intentions to move back to London. I feel like I have done the hamster wheel for so long now, all I want is to start living – REAL living, not scheduling pub nights around meetings and commutes. My suitcases contain tennis rackets, hiking shoes and horse riding gear, because those are the kinds of things I look forward to being able to do the most.
So I guess from tomorrow I will see how it all pans out 🙂
It feels right to end this post with the music video that brought me here 😉 (as it made me want to move to Sweden as a hormonal teenager in the 80s – yes, the landscape in the video, not the rockers in leather trousers. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)